Don't Come A-Knockin'

This is an open letter to Lance Bass,

I know we are so xeft (our new word), but don't think you can make us your rebound boyz. Your break up with Reichen must be difficult, but if you read any of posts on our blog you would know that we are 100% straight. We do live together with our adopted son Meck, but that doesn't make us gay (And Perez - you better not say ANYTHING!) We cannot offer any type of comfort you need, go to the Boyz Room and watch the Go Go Idol contest and get an ironic make out with the East Village's finest gays.

Our new BFF of the week:

Hey everyone meet Brenda Barnes, our yerkest (our new word) best friend. She's CEO and President of Sara Lee. We met her at a yerk party on the LES. We were cater waiting and Brenda took a liking to us because we kept "bringing the Bellinis!" We told her we were so impressed with her footware and she took us to her house! Well, we said that we housekeep on the side, but still so yerk. We told her about how we shined Moby's shoes while he was on tour and she just had to hire us. We drank Van Gogh Martinis and ate East Bolivian yak cheese together...I mean she was asleep while we were supposed to be scrubbing her bathroom tile, but still, we were under the same roof! See you next Wednesday Brenda!

Collar Alert:

COLLARS UP IF YOU SMELL LIKE TEEN SPIRIT!
stay tuned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Celeb Product of the Week:

We are huge supporters of the product. It's so plart (our new word). Just because we don't want to see a gal's gaping hole of desire doesn't mean we're gay. Here, here Miss Manners!

A fair trade:

Hey there folks - we are ready to give away all of our fashion tips and a weekend with us for a fair trade: new betrank (our new word) Playstation 3. We need to sell it over seas so we can get our heinous adopted son, Meck a new face. Ever since we've seen how adorable Suri has turned out, we need to put Meck back in the running. We'd like to get him a nice Linda Evangelista. We've seen the movie Face Off, we know it's possible.

Before and After

Artists of the Week:

The VinylShakerz covered the Murray Head hit "One Night in Bangkok." Their cover is so komd (our new word!). This music video is a window to the night light of BrYan and Rexxx. We've spent many a night in South Thailand drinking with crowds of ladies clamoring to catch a glimpse of us! Here, here VinylShakerz! So komd.

Saturday November 11th at BoysRoom!

We're on the silverscreen again at BoysRoom in the east village. You can see us in Lola Rock'n'Rolla's "Night of the Living Gay!" Just a reminder we're not gay, we are serious actors. We took one class at HB Studios and we can act gay. The film is so merk (our new word.) BoysRoom: 211 Ave A (13th St), NYC

A Gentle Reminder:


That we are straight. I know that fingers are pointing our way again. We live together and have an adopted child. Meck is a beautiful baby that requires two straight parents. He didn't have a father, now we must over-compensate. It's just so blark (our new word.).

Tonight BrYan and Rexxx are on the silver screen!

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!

Election Trend:

Avoiding plastic surgery is the barnk (our new word) thing to do. Hillary didn't do it, so why should you? Let's all look like this. To your right is a projected picture of Sissy Spacek if she doesn't get work done.

Update: Our show is at 9pm tonight! Skip Grey's Anatomy!

Myspace Profile of the Week!

Hello everyone! Meet our plattest (our new word) fresh friend. Her name is Asian Pie. She has free webcam shows. We think they must be like our free weekly show at Mo Pitkin's about fashion, style and celebrity! We're too busy to catch them - we've been sweeping Tower records for all the deals for our Target India Tour. Look at her outfit. So platt. Thongs and Arms are so hot in Asia right now. It's great to connect with other performers like us on myspace. So professional. Check her out!

Just another reminder:














That we're are so not gay. We support breast cancer awareness because Rexxx has double A implants, but we're completely remeblin (our new word) heterosexuals on the prowl for some sweet kisses from some remeblin ladies. Check out our show tonight at 8p at Mo Pitkins!

Accessory of the Week

Having the sniffles never looked so good. This fall, the common cold is the benkest (our new word) thing to hit the streets. Everyone is getting them. We're been carrying our Louis hanky everywhere just waiting for a little run of the nose to show off our chops. We're going to start licking water fountains if out bodies get rid of the one we have now. So benk! Having a cold makes you sexually unattainable and therefore more desirable to the opposite sex (just a reminder: we're not gay). So go out there stop taking your vitamins, quit sleeping and walk through an infested elementary school then hope for the best.

Collar Alert:

COLLARS DOWN IN SOUTH BRAZIL AND UP IN THAILAND!
stay tuned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Just a reminder:

That we're not gay. We're just berft (our new word).

We're Rich!
We didn't even play the lotto, but we're winners! We're so werght (our new word). Mr. HANS DOUGLAS, who capitalizes his name for some reason and makes several typos, wrote us a message stating that our e-mail address is connected to some winning numbers! Sounds official, no? So werght? I think all we have to do is give him all of our private financial information and we're set! The first thing we're going to do with our winnings is give our adopted son, Meck, a new face, since ugly babies we're werght a month ago. We've decided to give him the face of Linda Evangelista. We can't wait for the check so our heinous Meck can feel like a supermodel! Thanks Hans Douglas!

Artists of the Week:

When we were in south Prague opening a Wendy's we bumped into the trankest (our new word) new group, The West End Girls. These girls combine the world of construction and an unimaginative look into pop music that we just adore. It's so trank. In both of their videos they are sporting about 410 yards of pleather (it's making a come back) and use cardboard cut outs. An elementary school teacher must have done the set design - we're definitely using their designer for our video, "On the Red Eye." They whisper sing, which is so trank because Janet Jackson is back again. Check out their video below and check out their website www.westendgirls.se.

Fashion File:


Japan Fashion Week was held last week and it was so ferk (our new word)! Designer Kazuo Takashima had his models wear shoes on their heads, which proves something, walking on your head in the rain can finally happen! Takashima has finally provided the correct street wear perfect for circus folks in monsoon season, it's the new ferk thing. Get yourself into that hot yoga class stat!

Baby Up For Adoption:

In July we reported that baby Suri must be heinous since she hasn't been revealed. (Read more about that post...) So we went out and adopted our aesthetically challenged child, Meck, which was so frenk (our new word) at the time. As you see, Suri is as cute as a baby doll. Some days you're frenk, some days you're not. We need to give Meck back because we don't want him to clash with our style. Does anyone want him? Should we put an ad on Craigslist? He's really quiet. He doesn't eat much and but loves to drink battery acid. He doesn't have any hair, so you'll save Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo costs. Please give this precious child a home.

Our Meck can now be yours!

Stealing the Thunder:

Shame on you Fergie! Fergie, formerly known for being the vag from the Black Eyed Peas has released her new song "London Bridge." This is after she met us greeting people at a Target opening in LA in the fall. We told her we're getting ready to release our flenk (our new word) new song "Mary Had a Little Little Lamb (Her Fleece Was White After Labor Day, YUCK!)" How dare you steal our thunder. It's so not flenk. We're not buying your album unless you get us on the list at Soho House.

Reminder:

Rosie O'Donnell has joined the cast of the view today. We think it's really merk (our new word.) Her new haircut is tre merk too. We just want to remind you all that we're not gay. We would do any of those girls on that stage on the View. Behar - watch out! Rosie, we'll send flowers too since you got Tom's!

Accessory of the Day:

Self-absorbed babble is the miquest (our new word) thing! Throw out your Louis, your Coach and your Fendi. Just assume that people want to hear every boring detail of your life. As long as you're confident about it - people will listen and find you so mique!

Collar Alert:

COLLARS DOWN UNLESS YOU WON AN EMMY AWARD!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Collar Alert:

COLLARS UP EVERYWHERE EXCEPT PLUTO!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Accessory of the Day

There is a new controversial accessory out there. It's so yurp (our new word) that you can't get it at any store. Paris has been waiting for it for years! The yurpest new thing is a great personality. We were at a hot party in Santa Monica. We didn't get in - we just waited outside greeting everyone waiting for Moby. Camryn Mainheim totally talked to us before she made a b-line to the rosemary and olive oil Trisquits. She said we were fabulous and sort of laughed in our faces when we told her "collars up," but she was yurp none the less. We hope Meck, our adopted child, will grow up one day to be just like her. Sweet and very yurp.

We've been on vacation...

We apologize that we haven't been posting. The three of us (BrYan, Rex and Meck, our fashionably unattractive adopted child ala the mysterious and most likely heinous Suri Cruise) went on vacation to east Istanbul. Unfortunately, it wasn't so herk (our new word). The Turkish government took one look at Meck and mistook him for an illegal alien...like an ALIEN alien. They threw us in the slammer quicker than you could say kebob. We were beaten, questioned and raped. We did not enjoy being raped by the ravage muscular Turkish beefcakes in those seemingly unsanitary unattended shower rooms. We weren't the only ones prodded - poor Meck was being tested and probed to see if he was actually human. How dare they - he's most definitely horrificly unattractive, but you can see that he's human. Just look into those black eyes. Now we're back and it's herk to have your collars up!

Myspace Page of the Week

Oh My God - we've decided to start featuring ulp (our new word) myspace pages that embody the essance of BrYan and Rex. Here is our first page. Meet "F*ck Me, I'm Paris." FMIP is the ulpest thing on myspace. Here are some of his goals. He's 19 years old and he's very P. Hil meets Grieco.

* Get a Job
* Get BellyButton Pierced
* Get a Car
* Graduate From High School
* Go To College
* Get A Job
* Become Successful in whatever I Do
* Get a Apartment Suite on the Top Floor
* Get Married to my "One"
* (Possibly Adpot A Child)
* Live in Europe
* Drive a Vouge (2004 Range Rover)
* Meet Britney Spears
* Find Mr. Right
* Move out of Aspen
* Go to World Music Awards in Monte Carlo w/ my aunt next summer)
* Live life freely

This is how we should live life, no? He's 19 years old and is trying to graduate High School - We took an extra year to get prom kings, alas to no avail. We're pulling for you, FMIP! He has get a job twice but no "Meet BrYan and Rex" on the list - but we'll let that slide. Check out his page. http://www.myspace.com/fashionboi

For Those Nay Sayers...

A week or so ago we talked about the hottest thing to hit the clubs, Cassette DJing. To our "friends" who don't thing think it's the terpest (our new word)thing ever, you need to check out this terp video from Denmark. We met them in a Whole Foods while waxing nuts (our part time job). They were looking for McDonalds and Elvis magnets, but we let them in the right direction, Arby's and Moby. So terp. They showed us their video where they also cassette dj. We're all so very turp.

Diet Alert:

This is the yemptest (our new word) diet to hit the scene. The Pepto Plan, it's so yempt. The diet is as follows:

• A Tablet for Breakfast.
• 3 Tablets for lunch and a tall glass of Pepto liquid.
• A chilled bottle of Pepto and a turnip.

We've lost 13 pounds and occationally our consciousness. Paris should try it because we've only excreted in pink. So yempt.

Collar Alert:

COLLARS DOWN IN CALIFORNIA!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Choreography Challenge part III:

It looks like there is another submission to our choreography challenge. It's now an all out war between yours truly, The Fast Food Rockers, The Harrison County High School Show Choir and now we have a new submission from a South Korean Pre-School. They attached this letter to their submission. Dear Bryan and Rex, We would like to be part of the challenge. We've seen your performance of the 'Mannequin' a few weeks ago. You have good technique but the concept is too trite. The Fast Food Rockers are savagely unskilled and it's apparent that Harrison County is in a serious talent drought. Please accept our submission and eat it, sh*t face! We were a little thrown off by this, but they do have a telp (our new word) tape.

Don't forget our telp dance:

Trend Alert:

While we were in west remote Indonesia this past weekend, we couldn't report the ferchest (our new word) trends out there. We didn't have internet access or service to our T-Mobile Sidekick. We had to get the people dancing and there was no plug for our 4 different iPods. We ended up cassette spinning for a crowd of twenties. It was so ferch. We also performed a 30 minute scene from Turner and Hooch. The crowd was so blown away they started throwing us drinks on stage. FREE drinks, it was so ferch. They probably didn't know that they would spill all over us and give us bruises. Nevertheless, bust out your cassettes for your next DJ gig. It's so ferch.

Collar Alert:

COLLARS UP EVERYWHERE*!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

*except in Belgrade.

We're so influential!


Oh My God! About a week ago we made Gunther our blaert (our new word) artist of the week. We're absolutely sure the web traffic must have skyrocketed. We also assume that Samantha Fox must have caught wind of our pick of the week and recorded a song and video in a weeks time. You know once you see it on our blog - things just blow up. It's soooo blaert! She covered her blaertest hit song, "Touch Me" with this hot swede rocker. Sam, we know you're reading this...we're going to spin that hot track at the opening of a Target in Akron, Ohio next weekend. Why don't you stop by? Check out the video below.

We also found a picture of Gunther from his high school year book. He was so blaert back then too...same exact fashion statement.

Retro Fashion
The fashion forward Carolyn Castiglia introduced her clepht (our new word at 5:50p) space age silver jacket in May '06. We applauded this fashion statement and told all of our friends in south Chile about this. You can imagine our shock when Carolyn showed up to our show in June '06 wearing the same jacket! Appalling! Not because it was June - because copper was the denk (our word then) trend of that moment. Carolyn, try to keep up with what metallic fabrics are in for each week or even day. If we weren't so busy traveling, spinning and waxing nuts we'd totally help you. Next time text us on our T-Mobile Sidekick before you leave the house (or do our show).

Straight Alert:

According to People Magazing Online, Lance Bass is gay. Lance may think this is really klemp (our new word), but he's blowing the cover for many other pop stars out there. Not us of course, we are 100% ungay and love the company of women, fashion, shirtless men and klemp modern antiques like Joan Osborne albums. Although we live together with our adopted child Meck in Canarsie or east Billyburg as we like to call it, that doesn't mean we're any different from the popular sitcom Bosom Buddies. Those guys were straight and we mean STRAIGHT. We're not gay. Anne Colter accepts us for who we are and we don't want to ruin our relationship with Fox News because they throw the klempest parties. You better jump back in and say it was a joke - or we'll make sure you never get into any velvet rope clubs in west Prague. Remember when you were straight in that bua movie "On the Line." klemp times right? We don't want our sexuality questioned constantly - don't be a bad Bass!

Collar Alert:

COLLARS UP in CT, PA, AK and Detroit ONLY!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Choreography Challenge part II

If you refer to the post added yesterday, the Fast Food Rockers challenged us to a dance off. It's caused a stir in the dance community into an all out dance war! Other dancers are getting involved. The Harrison County High School has sent in their submission video to beat us all. They attached this message: Dear Bryan, Rex and the Fast Food Rockers, We can solve this dispute. We will out dance you any time, any place, any town. Name the location and the time and we'll kick ball change your heads in. Love in Christ, The Harrison County High School Show Choir. These bua jokers haven't even seen the Mannequin. Check out their submission below.

vs.

You be the judge.

Trend Alert!


While we were spinning hot euro house in a corn field near Kutztown, PA. We spotted the rewest (our new word) trend that is going to sweep the nation: White Bonnets. Get your hands on them before the Hiltonanistondiaz crowd claims it. Show the world how fashion savvy you claim to be. Be fashion forward. Santino will have it on the runway faster than you can say bua!

Choreography Challenge:

It looks like the Fast Food Rockers are trying to steal the thunder of our new dance move the Mannequin. Check out their bua moves in "Say Cheese! Smile Please." We met the male member of the FFR at a bathhouse in East Berlin and he challenged us to a dance off. Needless to say, you can tell who's more flank (our new word). We don't have video of our dance move, but we'll show you the challenger.

vs.

Who's more flank? You be the judge.

Collar Alert:

COLLARS DOWN!
stay turned for up-to-the-minute collar coverage only on Oh My God.

Artist of the Week

This man is delicious and so barnk (our new word for today)! His name is Amos, one name like Madonna, Rhetta and of course BrYan and Rexxx. He's the self-titled imperator of pop. He certainly is a dancing fiend. We met him on a redeye to Frankfurt one night over Boxing Day in '04. We exchanged busi-cards and recently reconnected at the Men's room in the Applebee's at South Beach. We really want to borrow his barnk gold suit for the opening of a hot new club in east Erie. Check out is website at http://www.amos-music.com and see this video below.

Accessory of the Day

Charity Children. The plertest (our new word starting at 3:48) thing to have your hands on this minute isn't a Fendi - it was a baby from a third world country. We just received word about eight seconds ago on our T-Mobile Sidekick...now the new plert thing to have is a baby lacking in the aesthetic. We haven't even seen Suri, we can only assume that she is heinous. People will feel so sorry for you and your mangled child that it'll throw you to the top of the hot list.

So adorable and so yesterday!

Meet BrYan and Rexxx's new adopted baby, Meck!

Isn't he wretched looking! We are accepting gifts and we're registered at Tiffany's. We would also like to remind you that we are not gay what-so-ever! We just like fashion, world cultures and shirtless men. We're having drinks with Tom Cruise, Matthew Mcconaughey, Kevin Spacey, ANT and Anderson Cooper on Thursday at Splash to show off the new baby.

Artist of the Week

You must check out the glarbest (new word of the day) new artist to hit the scene. We ran into him at a hot bagel shop in east Istambul in the beginning of '05 during a glarb DJ/Music conference. We love his style and his song, Tutti Frutti Summerlove is already on our 4 iPods. We're going to spin it at our late set in Boise tomorrow.

Check out his website and listen to these future hits. www.gunthernet.com.

Artist of the Week

Check out the carpest new singer, Adam Barta. We met him in east Boliva laptop spinning in a warehouse on a Tuesday afternoon. We think his Physical cover is zo klart!

www.adambarta.com

Thursday July 6th at 10pm

The most carp show on the planet is here for you. This week Jean Babtiste (of the social elite) will dazzle you with celebrity news and Billy Wood (New Jersite) will tell you the trials and tribulations of living "Bridge and Tunnel." BrYan with a Y and Rexxx, as always will share their world travels and update you on their road to success! Get your randy ass over here for our amazing drink specials - Stoli Raztini for $35.75. Tomas always serving you with his shirt off. Ok maybe not - but we'll get him to do it. Collars up!

As always:
Mo Pitkins
34 Ave. A (b/w 2nd and 3rd)

Thursday June 22nd at 10pm

Our second show. J.Fal stopped by the first show. We first met him in west Bolivia in '05. We're enjoying the week in beautiful east North Korea. We jet set in to see you all on Thursday at 10pm with our close friends...

Jean Bastiste (of the social elite)
Katina Corrao
Carolyn Castiglia
and possibly the company of Joe Randazzo.

This show is going to be so carp! It will be hosted by BrYan with a Y and Rexxx with all the up-to-date style news

As always
Mo Pitkins
34 Ave. A (b/w 2nd and 3rd)

Check out our new show! Learn about fashion, world issues and about our carp (the new word) world travels.

This show features:
Allen Warnock
Katina Corrao
Laura Mannino
and the music Rachael Parenta

Always hosted by the Diamond-ic Duo: BrYan with a Y and Rexxxx!